Seven years – and no itch!

Would you believe it, dear friends – we recently celebrated our 7^th wedding anniversary, my darling Ian and me! It seems like yesterday when we were sitting in that little register office in Harringay, London, all in love and excited and waiting to exchange our vows…

And now, seven years later? Well, we literally have become like one, like two halves of a whole, we understand each other without a word, we know we can always rely on each other, we’re a team, a unit, an entity – AND we’re still in love, too! We have lots and lots of fun together, we’re romantic together – and we still find each other veeeery sexy…

How do we manage, then, to keep our marriage, our relationship, happy? Well, dear friends, I’ve put together here a few of the ways a couple can stay happy and loving forever and ever; and it’s not difficult, either – all you need is love!

1) Talk and laugh together

One of the most important things, for life in general and even more so for a relationship, is talking – it helps you understand each other’s feelings, needs, dreams, hopes, fears, and so on. And the other side of the coin is, of course, listening – so keep talking and listening to each other, you’ll find out new wonderful things about each other every day, and you’ll always be at ease and feel comfortable with each other.

But then there’s a lighter side to life, too – laughter! Having fun together, making jokes, playing games, being childish, all that is very necessary for brightening up our everyday and feeling happy and carefree.

Now, since life often seems so serious, what can a couple do to get a good laugh together, to forget about all the worries and problems out there beyond the domestic idyll? We watch a lot of comedy together, Ian and me; we may not have quite the same taste there, but we alternate between our respective favourites, to double the fun and get to know each other’s sense of humour better and better. My favourite is a British classic from the 1970s, “George and Mildred” – not exactly a good example for a married couple, I admit, but hilariously funny!

My darling Ian’s taste, meanwhile, is more gentle and refined, he loves “As Time Goes By” from the 1990s, about a couple who meets again many years after a short affair.

Here again, talking – and compromising – will lead you to a nice home cinema schedule for some good laughs after work with your other half!

As I’ve said before, playing games can also be a lot of fun; whether it’s a board game like Cluedo, Trivial Pursuit or Scrabble, a card game, charades or even Twister if you’re agile enough – it’s great fun beating your partner, and it’s great being a sport when he/she beats you! (I know what I’m talking about, I lose at Scrabble all the time against my great wordsmith…)

Also, celebrate holidays as they come, and there are lots of them! Our favourite is Halloween – each year we dress up in different costumes, watch some classic Bela Lugosi and Vincent Price movies, munch sweets and popcorn, and have a smashing evening together!

2) Share hobbies and interests

Generally, finding things that you’re both interested in is enormously important for a happy relationship; presumably most couples in a long-term relationship have already got some, or else they wouldn’t be together anymore. Many couples have even found each other through a favourite hobby or interest – like my darling Ian and me: both being avid fans of classic movies, we first met on the (now defunct) forum of IMDb. We started exchanging messages about Mae West and Marjorie Beebe back in 2013, him living in London and me in Piraeus, Greece; the messages turned into emails (4 a day each), in 2016 I came over to London to see him, and two years later we were married! Goes to show you never can tell, eh…

So, there’s never any question for us about what to do of an evening or a rainy Sunday: we’ve got a large (and still growing) DVD collection with all sorts of films and TV series from the silent days right up to the latest season of “Death in Paradise”!

Another passion we share is football: both our Dads played football when they were young, and so we both grew up with lots of footie talk, “Match of the Day” (or “Sportschau” respectively) and regular visits to stadiums. Getting involved, supporting a team, is a great way to let off steam, so in case you’ve got any pent-up frustration from work, kids or anywhere else you can get rid of it by rooting for your team and shouting at the enemy, and keep all tensions far away from your relationship!

Yes, I know, football-wise I’m a bit of a butterfly, I’ve supported Dortmund, AEK, Manchester United, Liverpool… But ever since I’ve actually lived in Tottenham, I’ve been a stout Spurs fan! It’s great fun watching matches not only at home, but also in the pub, together with other fans; or even at the stadium, which we’ve done here in Holyhead with our very own team – which also happens to be called Hotspurs!

But my real sports passion lies in rugby union; a sport I’d never been able to follow in Germany or in Greece, but ever since I came to Britain it’s simply charmed me – it’s so fast and furious and exciting, and often a lot of fun as well! And I’ve managed to convince Ian, more of a football man by upbringing, of this wonderful sport as well: we always follow the World Cup and the Six Nations and root for Wales, and next February we’re going to Cardiff to actually watch a live match there. Sports fun and a city break combined – guaranteed to get you into a romantic mood during a cosy hotel dinner at night!

And another pastime that can make a couple feel closer, is of course music. If you’ve got remotely something like similar or at least overlapping tastes, you can get endless enjoyment together from your CD collection, the radio, the television, or even YouTube where everything’s free! How about a nice compilation of 1960s love songs, for example? Voilá!

Again, just like with movies and TV (and literature and arts and anything else where you can’t argue about taste), you might have to compromise a bit – but then, your partner might also be able to teach you things about music styles you don’t know much yet, and vice versa! Ian has taught me a great lot about his favourite Louisiana blues, for example; great stuff I’d never heard about before…

3) Do things together

I’ve already talked about things to do together in the wonderful everyday; but you should also have some special occasions for partying, dressing up and going out (or staying in). Your own anniversary and Valentine’s Day are, of course, the obvious examples – but why not celebrate other things as well in a special style, and enjoy a bit of high life together? Ian and me always observe Burns Night with Scottish dress, movies set in Scotland, poetry reading and of course the obligatory haggis,

St Patrick’s Day with lots of Irish music and blarney,

and my very favourite day of the year, New Year’s Eve, when we get the glad rags out, turn the stereo on full, mix cocktails and light the indoors fireworks at midnight!

Also, wherever you are, you should try and find a place you can get to any time for a day trip, a picnic, a few hours away from work and other sorts of hassle; we’re immensely privileged there, because here in our little paradise of Holyhead we’ve actually got TWO beaches to choose from, both reachable within ten minutes! So, every summer, we take a day off whenever it’s warm and sunny, pack our hamper, director’s chairs, lilo and boccia set and enjoy the sun, the sea and each other’s company. So much time, and just the right environment, for talking and laughing and falling in love all over again!

And then there are, of course, the summer holidays, the yearly trip abroad (or not) which we all deserve and all should try to do. Again, a bit of diplomacy might be necessary here if your idea of a holiday doesn’t coincide with that of your partner (the old “sea or mountains” dilemma); Ian and me are lucky here again, because our idea is very similar: we’ve both seen quite a bit of the world, so we don’t really fancy long, strenuous trips to faraway countries anymore, and we agree that there’s so much to see and do right here in the British Isles! Being historians, we both love visiting ancient places from neolithic stone circles to medieval castles to 19^th century architecture; so we’ve been to Ireland,

to Scotland,

to Ian’s ancestral home, the magical Isle of Man

and all around Wales – most recently for our first ever Eisteddfod!

Then, of course, we regularly visit Greece to see my Mum and daughter, where we get a bit of mediterranean feel and food for a change, so our life never gets boring.

4) Do things apart

But then, you can’t ALWAYS do everything together – everybody needs a bit of personal freedom sometimes, and also, even in the happiest and most fulfilled relationships, there are things that one half of the team loves and the other half doesn’t care about or doesn’t want to do. It may not seem easy, but you’ve got to let go sometimes and not fence your partner in; give him/her that freedom, and they’ll thank you for it!

For instance, I’ve been perfectly happy here in Holyhead, it’s the place I’d always dreamed of, we’ve got a very cosy flat here, and I must see I haven’t felt much nostalgia for the asphalt jungle called London that we used to live in before we came here. Ian, on the other hand, had lived in London for 50 years, and he’s still got very much of a soft spot for it, and he’d missed it in those 5 years since we left, and also his old friends who still live here. So, he suggested we went back for a few days to look around and meet people.

Now, I’m really fond of Ian’s friends who had become my friends as well, and I would have loved to see them again – but the thought of all that noise and rush, and of having to walk long distances, simply put me off it, and so I suggested in turn that he went on his own. He did, and he came back full of stories, energy and cheerfulness, which was more than worth the three days of worry and anxiety that I’d had here!

So, you’ve simply got to trust your partner, put your ego on the back shelf and let him/her do their own thing once in a while; there are lots of happy couples that sometimes go on separate trips or even holidays – a little absence makes the heart grow fonder…

The same goes for hobbies: you can’t force your other half to take up an activity that you’re interested in if it doesn’t suit him in the least! For example, when I started out on my Welsh course, Ian said ‘No thanks’ because learning languages just isn’t his thing; I’m now in my fourth year, and he finds something else to do during my two hours lesson a week – simple as that!

We’ve both got our own little things we love – I like doing jigsaw puzzles and playing computer games, while Ian likes reading and writing; so we often sit there in our living room in companionable silence, doing different things but still being together.

5) Work together

The epitome of teamwork for a couple is, of course, working together, whether that means being employed in the same company or having your own business. Now I know, from chats with other couples, that this isn’t everybody’s thing (I know at least two lawyer couples who have got separate practices because, as they say, they could never get used to each other’s ‘modus operandi’ – well, to each their own…), but if you can do it, and if you get the chance to do it, it’s great, believe me.

When I first applied for my permit here in the UK, I had to have a job of some description – and my darling Ian said “Why not join me in my indexing? It’s not too difficult, and you can work from home!” I thought that sounded just dandy, and my husband/business partner/teacher immediately started coaching me for my first indexing job which I soon got; I did fine, and by now I’m a seasoned indexer, and our little business is doing just fine!

We sometimes work together on the same book, and sometimes we do separate books, but we talk a lot about our respective indexes, and we always give each other ideas for an entry or a subheading. It’s a truly wonderful thing when you’re able to carry the private harmony over into a perfect work harmony as well!

Just one tip if you can’t, or don’t want to, work together: always keep abreast with your partner’s job issues, show an interest, and never get tired of listening to whatever he or she has got to tell you about it; it’s obviously important to them, so it should be important to you as well! And besides that, you will want to talk about your job with him/her sometimes as well…

6) Love cooking and eating

Another important field in life is food – the survival instinct tells us we’ve got to eat every day, but that’s not all, we also want to enjoy our meals and make something more out of it. So, cooking has become not only a household task but also a hobby for many people; and since few of us are rich enough to dine out every day, we’d better enjoy it, too, and cooking (and eating) is best enjoyed with your loved one.

Ian and me take it in turns to cook (in fact, Ian cooks more often than me nowadays, I must confess; and he’s just such a great chef!), and just like in music and TV, we teach each other about our favourite types of cuisine. I grew up with lots of pasta, and Italian cuisine is my favourite; I also learned a lot about Greek food from my years there, and so I do a lot of mediterranean stuff. Ian, meanwhile, loves Cajun cuisine, Chinese stir fries and seafood recipes, so there’s always a tasty meal on the table!

And on holidays, of course, cooking is a big thing in our home and we do it together: the haggis on Burns Night, the lamb leg at Easter, the duck or goose at Christmas, and the party buffet on New Year’s Eve!

But it’s not only about eating, drinking should also be enjoyed – and even though I can’t drink alcohol anymore, I can still mix stylish mocktails and refreshing punches which my darling husband enjoys!

7) Stay romantic

The most important thing of all for a happy marriage, though, is – to stay romantic. Too many couples fall into the trap of being ruled by work, kids, money worries, family and friends issues and all sorts of other things and forget to take time for the one they love. And yet, there are so many ways of bringing the magic back into your relationship! For one, as I’ve said before, there’s nothing wrong with marking special days like Valentine’s Day and of course your anniversary; Ian and me always treat ourselves on those days, and we always get into a very romantic mood by the end of the evening…

But you don’t have to wait for a specific calendar day: it’s the everyday romanticism that keeps the flame going! A smile, a kiss, a hug, a love card, a box of chocolates, some flowers, a romantic tune from the stereo – all that can turn an ordinary day into sheer bliss for both of you. If you’ve got kids, see to it that they’re out of the house for an evening or a few hours once in a while, and just switch off the computer and the phone, and there’s nothing in the world but you two. Together time, for laughing and talking and cooing and cuddling – and who knows where the evening might end up…

To all you couples out there – you can keep your matrimonial bliss up or even find it again, it’s easy, just listen to your hearts and you can’t go wrong! There’s just NOTHING like being happily married…